cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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