the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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