i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
