ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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