um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think i have two assholes
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
