And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
