i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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