does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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