i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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