It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My balls are so social today.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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