just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
