so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
