Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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