your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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