On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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