whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
