Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
