while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize