STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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