Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize