Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
