im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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