Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
