I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
