Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
