your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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