This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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