you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize