When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
