I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
