Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
