my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
