Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He felt like a one man threesome
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
