This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize