my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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