I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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