First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
