you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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