I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
