I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
