I will die if light touches me.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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