there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
