I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize