he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
