Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
