you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
