I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I supernannyed him into submission
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
