he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
