hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
