I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize