do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
