2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize