guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
