Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
