dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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