i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
