SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
