What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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