dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
