I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
