I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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