This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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