Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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