Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
