I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
