Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
