She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
