don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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